Musings on the middle

Well,the Peanut is away for a few days enjoying her last Spud free holiday with her Grandma,and so I have a little more time to think. So naturally,the first thing I do is go 'wohoo! TV remote now mine!' and jump on it... :) I found a show the other night on DMAX called 'Radical Parenting' which included unschoolers,co sleepers,extended breast feeders etc. Now, I reckon everyone has the right to do what they believe is best for their kids,except in situations where they believe harming or abusing their child is 'right' or acceptable. I stand by that having watched the whole programme,fair play to them for doing what they believe is right. Me, I sit firmly in the middle. Its boring here,but safe and comfortable,and there is scope for movement. Best of all,I dont feel like I am getting sucked into doing something I am not comfortable doing for me and my family. Sure,we homeschool. Some people I know would consider that fairly 'radical'. We plan to cloth diaper Spud when he makes an appearance, I guess some people would find that radical. However,both of these decisions have come in response to the needs of my kids. Peanut needed education,the LA had nothing except an unsuitable school far to far away with no help with travel costs. So we started homeschooling. We found it fitted in better with our day to day lives,Peanut had time to take her medication every day,the fairly frequent doctors visits did not have to be explained and triple checked by the school,and should we want to go away at a time NOT involving school holidays-when retail is often busiest and therefore time off hard to come by- we can. In the same vein, cloth diapering the new one. Its substantially cheaper,even when factoring in the extra laundry,and as a family on a tight budget,that is not something to be sneezed at. Peanut had the most HORRIFIC nappy rash pretty much from when she was born. She has very sensitive skin,I do,and Spuds father also does. Odds are so will Spud. The only thing that improved Peanuts rash was cloth diapers. (tho back in the day they were waaaay old school and not as easy as now) Given that,it would seem likely that at some point Spud will suffer the same skin,and if I can minimise that pain by putting him straight into cloth,well why not?! Both decisions make sense for us,and that is why many of the people on the show also made their decisions. For that reason I am not about to haul them up against my own standards and call them weird. One thing with all this newfound 'radicalism' though, is that in some cases it becomes almost like a cult. People who are looking for something find this niche where they can do something outside the norm and they go 'hey,look at me,Im radical, Im part of a radical community.' Their identity in a sense becomes tied up in what they are doing rather than who they are. For them,it is about showing how different they are,how they make their own rules and are free from what less enlightened members of society are forced into. Their way becomes the only way,and anyone else just does not understand. They have found,in a sense a new religion and boy are they preaching. (or just smugly occupying the moral high ground-something we have all been guilty of at some point ;) ) Woe betide anyone who does not want to or cannot breastfeed,they are evil for denying their child such precious natural food...woe betide she who uses disposible nappies,she will end up living on a landfill in a godforsaken world...forcing children to attend school is as cruel as keeping them in cages,and educating them to fit any kind of society is pure social engineering etc... This occurs not just in parenting though,food is also something of a minefield. Ever been the only vegetarian in a room full of vegans? Ouch. I have. Its an intense experience. Someone takes up veganism,fine,eat what makes you feel good,what will keep you healthy. There are many benefits to the vegan lifestyle. However,to the vegangelicals, the few,the hardcore, there is ONLY veganism,and everything else is just downright wrong and must be fought against because ONLY by not consuming any animal products can we save the world... ahem...yeah. My point is there needs to be BALANCE. Too much of anything is not good,and too far to any extreme becomes an exercise in pushing that extreme for the sake of it. We are all naturally curious about how other people live,and who hasnt ever read the blog of someone who is a radical unschooling,vegan,barefoot only extended breastfeeder and gone 'actually,she looks really happy,and so do the kids,and oh gee,maybe if I could just push the boundaries a little I too could live like her and be more fulfilled'...etc? Thing is,what makes her kids happy could make yours miserable,and while it is good to have passions and ideals,forcing your kids to fit into them to prove how much you belong,and to validate how radical and happy you are you may just wind up with confused kids. Im sure many of the children are perfectly happy with their lives,and fair play,but sometimes I look at the parents,and think maybe this is more about them than the kids. Maybe this is about their need to find something,to belong to something, that is driving them.There is also a certain amount of one upmanship in these groups,and sometimes its a game of who can be the most radical and who can most exemplify this radical dream.We have all seen these blogs with their beautiful pictures and 'gentle philosophy' of what is best what their family are doing to make them happy,and have bought into it enough to think maybe if we could do it,we could be as happy as the glossy photos seem to suggest. I just dont know if chasing someone elses happiness and trying to make it your own is a good idea...Maybe taking what you think you and your family can best use from these organisations and then going your own way for the rest is just as radical if not more so than following a radical organisation? After all,they were only radical when the first one started to beat their own path really,now they are more about collecting followers than being truly original themselves. This is what happens when I am left with free time....fear not,the Peanut will soon return and the baby brain fog will soon redescend Im sure...