flying time and rising tide...

Yikes! Has it really been that long since I updated?! Time is indeed flying. We are still chugging along,and I am pleased to say KS3 maths is NO MORE! We finished the other day,lock stock and protractor...I could be really mean and insist on starting GCSE right away and plunge right in by going back over fractions then adding on from there the extra gcse bits,but its nearly xmas,and the Peanut has done so well and worked so hard I am inclined to be a soft touch and proclaim from now until xmas maths games and puzzles every day instead. English is flying along nicely,Peanut romped through animal farm and then dived headlong into 'Of Mice and Men' which she finished in about 3 hours.This leads nicely into GCSE modern history,so we are going into some detail about the 20s and 30s both here and in America. Science wise,chemistry will be concluded by the end of term,when we move on to physics and then on to GCSE. I have faithfully promised that we WILL be doing Darwin again next term as well. We are also going back to experimenting with our teaching methods. Having read much of the brilliant Grits Day blog,I became interested in the idea of looking at what I would normally teach over the course of the week,and then giving Peanut a list of assignments. She has Monday to ask for any help she may need understanding them,and working through any problems,and the rest of the week she is left to organise her own time as she sees fit. My only proviso is that by the end of the week the work is done and then checked by me on Friday. It is actually proving surprisingly effective,Peanut gets to organise her own time and study schedule,without the need for me sitting 'breathing down her neck' and I have more time for such luxuries as mopping 8 bathtowels and 2 buckets full of water from our kitchen floor where we appear to have something of a mains leak which has so far baffled 2 sets of plumbers...yay...

half term and half measures

Well,there goes another half term,we are now officially in the downhill terror slide towards xmas...fortunately,I have got 90% of my presents and am feeling slightly smug (hey come on,its allowed once in a while!) that I will not be one of the vast hordes shopping in december...Ill be serving them instead-darn it,knew there was a flaw somewhere!
School continues,although since we have only one module left before leaving KS3 maths behind,I have left the easiest till last.We are currently doing Graphs and Charts. Chemistry continues with 'metals and non metals'-we will be on KS3 science for a while yet...english, To Kill a Mockingbird' and study guide went down so well we are going to give animal farm a shot.History,well,Im expecting a certain amount of discussion on communism after animal farm,so I guess we will be looking at Russia and possibly China. The project on 1930s america kind of ground to a halt,so we will be trying to pick that up a bit as well.This term is traditionally an easy one for both primary and secondary schools everywhere,exams are finished,there are more extra curricular activities to worry about,and trying to keep the attention of a room full of kids who can sense xmas is pointless. We are following suit with our own more relaxed curriculum at the mo,although of course,as critics will be quick to point out as homeschoolers,we hardly do anything worthwhile anyway...*coughfinishks3ayearearly*cough*
In other news,we learnt how to make carrot oil using the baby carrots we grew this year.Next stop is to find a balm for dermatitis,please,before I scratch myself to death! So far,beeswax and almond oil seems to be doing it better than anything else,but time will tell.
The Peanut is now obsessed with a new show-thank gods as 'Scrubs' was starting to get to me. This new one was a happy accident,they have started to show reruns of 'Due South' on tv,and I found it while channel surfing. I used to LOVE it as a kid,the first 2 seasons anyway...never did get into the new Ray K thing,and I was wallowing in nostalgia when Peanut came in and took an interest.She is now hooked. I managed to buy season 2 cheap,but season 1 is SIXTY bloody quid at work,and fifty online. Even with discount,ouch. So we are working through season 2,and I bought the pilot episode for a bargain. Finally,something we can both watch with no arguement,even the boys dont mind watching this-a temporary ceasefire in the Sky Remote War is always welcomed.Peanut is incidentally following the crowd by confessing a crush on the mountie.It says a lot about me that MY huge crush was always Ray Vecchio,and I have to admit,I can still see the attraction. What can I say? Ive always been a little unconventional...

just for me...

Probably right...

Well,on to probability,which involved me buying a pack of playing cards-gambling AND home ed?! Shameful! What would the LEA say?! and giving Peanut quizzes on what the likelihood of one or other card turning up.This involves cards everywhere and the predictable ensuing chaos that results from such. As far as chemistry goes we are still happily playing with the periodic table. Sometimes literally. We have cards representing each of the elements,and the Peanuts current favourite game is to see how long it takes to reassemble them into table order from scratch and then try to beat her time. She is getting good at recognising the symbols too. Next challenge will be to learn how they combine. On the english front,Peanut has been reading the GCSE study guide to 'To Kill a Mockingbird'. For fun. Seriously,I caught her reading this on the loo AFTER school. Safe to say she is enjoying english. She has read about 2 books this week,one warrior cats and one other. History,we are buying the history of art guide from Ellen Mc Henry and working through that.It covers geography,art,history and a splash of politics.Thats been about it this week,although Peanut now has full mastery over her hair,and is happy to go into HMV with me for 2 hours a day this week whilst waiting for my flatmate to finish work and take her home. She has sat in the break room and chatted confidently to everyone.Comments range from 'oh,shes a mini you' and 'cute!!!' to 'Woah,shes smart! She read the Independent,Sun and Times then started chatting about them with me!' and also 'she is so bright its scary,she was reading the book for to kill a mockingbird,and I looked over her shoulder and didnt understand some of it,and I DID it for GCSE!' I dont know if that says more about her or the quality of people HMV employs,but considering the latter comment came from a phd student,I was quietly happy. Everyone agrees however that she is friendly,well adjusted and articulate,not to mention confident enought to talk to a room full of people older than her and strangers with ease. Guess the socialisation arguement is falling a little flat,hmmm?!
Incidentally,I do not drag the Peanut into work on a regular basis,this is brought on by desperation,as Mum is on honeymoon,Nan is away,Cais grandad is unavailable,her Dad is supposedly too sick to take her,(but turned up at work to buy a cd...)and my aunt is working. Bear is doing 12 hour days in wycombe,so hes up at 6am and returns at 9pm.That leaves Graah! who,bless him has swapped all his shifts so he can be on the early shift and finish at 5.I start at 2,so there is a three hour crossover in which she sits safely in the staffroom with the guys on lunch (giving her a rotating captive audience...) and then she goes home with Graah! to watch movies and eat copious amounts of popcorn. She is safe behind a staff only pincode protected door and there are always members of staff around,all of whom now know and like her. She is coming in on friday as well.She is thrilled,I am less so,and my boss will just be relieved when we go back to normal...the guys will miss having her around though. Ah well,theres always the traditional 2 hours on xmas eve...

light at the end of the trig tunnel...

Well,this week sees the final slog through trigonometry,and on too less taxing subjects...on the science front we are playing with the elements of the periodic table in playing card format,and timing ourselves putting them all in order. We are studying an online botany curriculum,and we are eyeing up an art history workshop. We have also been dipping toes into the world of local home ed groups...only to discover that most of the interesting events take place on a friday afternoon. I work. Bugger. We may need to work around this. Anyway,we are still on a soup rampage,the Peanut devouring soup at a faster rate that I can produce it...Basically,I throw everything in the fridge into a pot of stock and some ginger and garlic and a can of tinned tomatoes and some pasta.That is the basis of fridge emptying soup,and its a firm favourite Currently she is eating another mammoth bowl while we watch and discuss 'Botox Mums'. Besides that we have been recovering from a family wedding and starting the xmas shopping.Yes,I said xmas shopping. From now until November,every time I go into a shop (supermarkets notwithstanding) I buy what I came for,and also a present for someone. Laugh now,but in December when everyone is rushing around,and Im stuck all day in a hot sweaty shop being shouted at and jostled by panicking last minute shoppers I know I can just go straight home afterwards without having to join the hoards. Anyhow,onwards...I am making Peanut a card to carry which states that she is NOT truanting but a Home Ed student and that she is registered with the local LEA.On it will be her LEA number,my phone number and a signed statement on the back from me saying I am aware she is not in school,etc. Its a little worrying that I have to do this,but we have been stopped once already so better to be safe than let them swoop on the Peanut on a day she happens to be on the train on her own.

trig vanquished,chemistry calling

Well,we are on the final leg of trig now...its been...interesting. We finally solved the mystery of angle 0 -hint;it helps to press the RIGHT button on the calculator! and we are ok with the basics of sin,cos and tan. Chemistry,and we are examining the periodic table,in all its glory. In an attempt to lighten up what appears to be a heavy subject for the Peanut,I downloaded They Might Be Giants album, 'Here comes Science.' For those who havent had the pleasure,its on iTunes.Its awesome. Watch the videos while you are there. (And try not to hate me when you are at work singing the one about photosynthesis,ok?!) Peanut has finished "To kill a mockingbird' which means I now have to read it-fortunately,I can polish that off in an hour,speed reading to the rescue again...We are still working from GCSE maths and english books,and now also mixing GCSE with KS3 science. An hour a day on both science and maths seems to be the way forward,as Peanut will dive into literature quite freely,but is more reticent on any subject which may contain numbers.Tai Chi continues,we are STILL trying to find a class Peanut wants to take,and it looks like Rosetta Stone will be the way forward for french.Too bad they dont do a Finnish one,Im definately a little rusty these days. Looking back on the term so far,we seem to have accomplished a fair bit.Do wish I could get Peanut more excited about history,she loved the WW2 project the first term,but is decidedly less keen on ancient stuff as she puts it. Ah well,social history of 1930s america will have to come into Mockingbird discussions at some point,and she adores the British Museum,so I guess not all old stuff is boring,just the old one teaching it!

trigonometry,how we loathe thee

Well,since our last update we have finally got down to the nuts and bolts of trigonometry itself,SIN,COS and TAN.This is ok. We are slowly getting the hang of this. What is NOT ok is trying to answer a question in which you are not given the angle.We have tried,oh we have.We have studied textbooks,websites and worksheets.We have called everyone we know.STILL the answer eludes us.Ah well. The rest of it is going ok.(although melodramatic proclamations of how trig and I are conspiring to kill the poor,innocent Peanut are fairly common.We have decided that algebra was more fun...and I never thought I would say that...)
In science news,chemistry continues with the anatomy of an atom-say hello protons,neutrons and electrons-and the composition of mixtures,elements and compounds. Today,after the obligatory maths/torture session we are continuing with Peanuts herbal tome. We are about to go and purchase glass bottles and jars,beeswax and raw shea butter to make lotion and balm,and bottle some calendula flowers in oil.
English sees us deep into TKAM,which we will soon begin the joyous task of analysing.
The Peanut if now completing a tai chi segment every day buy one,and we are still walking everywhere,except on 2 days a week,when she catches the train 2 stops to her grandmas house alone.Yes,alone. I take her to the station,see her on the train and then let her go off alone,head stuck in the metro to grandmas,where she is met at the other end by said grandma. I call it gaining independence.Some people seem to think I may as well stake her to the floor,cover her in chocolate and feed her to the predators.Meh. She has a phone,an attitude,and only 2 stops to go. She is savvy enough to know what to say and do in an emergency and I think at 12 this is good life experience.
Not much to report in general news,Peanut still devouring horrible histories and warrior cats and has lately been reading 'the healers handbook' and asking questions about chakras that I am only barely equipped to answer. We are off to the library today to try and find some more answers,Its all a bit new age to me,Im more on the practical side of 'grow it,harvest it,turn it into a tincture/ointment etc,slap it on the affected area and watch it work. Beyond that I think my brain is too firmly rooted in science to start stuff like colour therapy. (Who knew blue could really be depressed?! )

museums,mummys and mockingbirds.

These last few days have consisted of yet more pre-trig in the form of Bearings, (GCSE CGP maths) continued particle work (CGP KS3 Science and GCSE chemistry) and,of course,To Kill a Mockingbird,which the Peanut seems to be rattling through at some speed. Yesterday,growing a little tired of routine-after all,what is the point of home schooling if we sit at home doing exactly what is being done at school?!-we took a trip to the British Museum. My,it has grown since I last went! All in all,it was pretty epic,making it to a close number 2 on Peanuts list of 'Awesome museums.' (Number one is the science museum,in case you were wondering.)The Mummy exhibit was a particular favourite,and I now have so many pictures of dead cats in various states of mummification on my phone I am expecting a visit from the RSPCA any minute. Sadly,we didnt get round to 'romans in Britain',so we are plotting a return visit very soon. One thing I will say however,is that the British Museum has to be without a doubt the most POORLY SIGNPOSTED museum I have EVER been to! The directions on the site tell you how to get to Russell square tube station-which is the bit I had no trouble with anyway-and then once you leave the station you are given one measly signpost,which gets you as far as the square itself,and then you are abandoned to try and figure out which one of the small,identical back roads you are supposed to go down. We found it.Eventually.After 20 minutes of muffled cursing and a twelve year old being the voice of reason to a crabby 32 year old who just wanted to find the museum before it closed,please! At one point we found ourselves on the UEL campus,at least,I think it was UEL-well,at least I can say Ive been 'on campus' now...That aside,a good day was had by all,and after a sleep which possibly qualifies as a coma,we are up and tackling some extra pythagoras questions,and making notes on trig.After this,we will attempt a little light science,after which I will take Peanut to her Dads,go to work,then slog back to his house to pick her up and resume the round trip back home. I will then feed,water and cheerfully shuffle Peanut off to bed before collapsing on the sofa,and commencing a 'day off' which involves several trips to the tip,tesco and town while also fitting in maths,science,tai chi and english with a possible side order of history and cookery. Suddenly,I feel a little tired...

pythagoras and lip balm

...Thats what this week has been about. Oh,and soup/stew and To kill a mockingbird with a dash of tai chi and plenty of particle theory.* Add a small side track to cover the human journey,and repeated rereadings of 'maths is fun' (seemingly actually read for fun by the Peanut...wonders will never cease...) and you have the first week back at school. Its been surprisingly productive,even managing to knock in four subjects on a wednesday,when historically 2 and a bit of lunch are about as far as we get. 'This is it!' I think to myself, 'finally,we are settling in to a routine,and we are getting organised and its all making sense! This is the moment they talk of on home ed websites,that magical minute when it all clicks!' Ahem. Yeah...then we hit the dreaded 'Friday wall'. For those of you who have not read my previous entries,and do not know the Peanut,said child will work more or less happily throughout the week,humouring the senile old fool who gave her life and generally working away without complaint. Then Friday arrives,and at the merest whiff of a weekend,the Peanut develops the temperament of a wasp and the attention span of a heavily concussed goldfish.This may be unfair to goldfish. Today,therefore will consist of finishing pythagoras,and probably some reading time.Also,Tai Chi at Grandmas house.I think that is about all that can reasonably be expected without bloodshed,and after an otherwise surprisingly good start to the term,we shall leave it there.
*For anyone who requires a more official summation,we have studied and completed CGP GCSE maths higher level module on Pythagoras, CGP KS3 chemistry particle theory-with a little GCSE thrown in, created our own lip balm from beeswax,almond and coconut oil with various essential oils-this will go into Peanuts herbalist folder as well as provide a handy example of solid-liquid state for chemistry,and finally created and cooked the kind of soup that throws everything in the fridge into the pot and stirs.Its good. I guess that classes as home ec. The Tai Chi has been done tues,weds and today-thus is the day off.That covers PE,as each segment takes at least half an hour to 40 mins. The Human Journey is a great programme which takes the theory that we are all descended from several families in Africa,then attempts to follow the 'migration' of humanity until it gets to the sprawling mass it is today. It kind of qualifies as history/anthropology.

well well...holidays are over,let learning commence

So,already a month has flown by,bringing with it the annual trip to Newquay for boardmasters-weather so-so,trip in general awesome.The was much reading,many long lie ins and the usual activities one gets up to when not educating the Peanut .I say not educating,I didnt realise how hard it is to switch off...in fact,darned if she didnt start reading the textbooks Id purchased in an effort to keep up with the new year as a boredom buster.Remind me to get the child bored more often...There was also the obligatory trip to Reading festival on the saturday,we saw Madness,Jimmy Eat World and a few others,Peanut all the while lounging comfortably in the pop up chair she bought with the tenner donated by flatmate.We laughed at her purchase until we realised how wet and cold the ground was,then sheepishly admitted she is definately the smart one...
Of course,I shall be testing and taxing this smart one with various diabolical ploys this year.Today is pythagorus as an ease in to trigonometry,followed by some chemistry in the form of acid and alkali worksheets,and chasing it all down with a 'lets make a huge pot of veggie bean and pasta soup cos its too cold for salad,and I am,quite frankly,too poor and lazy to go shopping for anything more interesting.' In other news,we are starting 'To Kill a Mockingbird' this term.Mainly because the thought of having to get into russian politics for 'Animal Farm' was just to depressing to contemplate.

The end is nigh!And it brings with it...cuboids?!

Well,so much for yesterdays post.I confidently assured myself that we had nine days left of this term,and in fact this year.Well,turns out today I may have been wrong. We have 3 days. We break up on friday. This does not leave as much time as I had hoped to cram in a few extra bits before the end of term,or convince myself that yes,we can finish all those loose ends in time for the holidays....Ah well,they are hurtling towards us,warming Peanuts heart with the promise of lie ins and no cranky crazy old lady determined to breathe down her neck and educate her at every opportunity. I have to confess,the no teaching for a month sounds good.It would be nice to have time for other,more leisurely pursuits such as applying for my uni place,cleaning out the acres of crap that seem to invade the house on a daily basis and hold a slug extermination contest in memory of my pumpkins,cruelly sacrificed as lunch for a horde of slimy invaders. Oh,and send off the last pieces of paperwork to turn a decree nisi to a decree absolute,research french tutors for next year and try and get lesson plans organised at the start of the holidays,and not the day before we go back.
Anyway,I digress,today was all about cubes,cuboids and the making of nets and then the sticking together and colouring of said nets. I was hoping to start another topic today,but given the Peanuts concentration span,especially now she knows we are nearly at the end,I figured what the heck. We are also going to be looking at finishing the rock cycle etc,as next year is all about the chemistry and physics. I may try and get some english in,planning essays etc,and then we are off out to prepare for the birthday of our flatmate,aka kid3.Expect much childishness and balloons.With helium. Alvin and the chipmunks impression,anyone?!

CGP,rocks n roll...

Last week was all about CGP maths workbooks and rock studies.Not AC DC,more igneous,sedimentary and metamorphic. Peanut has finished all the warrior cats books we dragged back from Canada,and is now pining for more. I have to call my college in a few hours and sign away my entire life savings on a course which may or may not get us closer to Canada.We can but try. All in all a pretty quiet week around here,but we break up in 9 days for summer. Still a total lack of understanding on home ed,everyone I know is either outright against the idea (so help me,if I hear the 'socialisation' word once more.......) or supportive but unhappy with the idea. No one actually thinks I am doing the right thing. Guess its lonely out on the educational frontier.Im tired of second guessing myself,doubting that this is practical,sensible or even sane. Just another day though...suck it up and deal.

back to normality and health and disease hell

Well,jet lag has finally relinquished its ugly hold,at least mostly,and so it is back to the world of education. After a couple of days spent mostly sleeping and or reading,the Peanut today spent an hour on Manga High maths,an hour with National Geographic,her third hour completing 2 pages of CGP questions on health and the immune system,and a final hour reading one of the many Warrior Cats books we lugged back from Canada. (The bookstore there had an entire section devoted to Warriors-canadian author I presume...either way,Peanut was in hog heaven,and was limited only by the weight allowance Air Canada imposes on its travellers.Left to her own devices,she would have foregone packing clothes etc and filled the whole bloody case with books.)
While Peanut was settling back in,I on the other hand had already hit the ground running.Upon our arrival home,I proceeded to scrub the bathroom,scrub the kitchen,vaccuum,dust and attempt to remove various takeaway leftovers from the floor/chairs/everywhere else.Then there was the matter of the food left in the fridge. At one point I actually thought we had rats,but no,it was merely a cucumber.A very furry cucumber.Anyhow,all this,plus the obligatory shopping trips for more food meant that by today,I was down to the usual 2 loads of laundry and the washing up kind of day.I can live with that.I doubt we will set the educational world on fire with today,but at least we are getting back into the swing of it. I have a feeling it will be next week before anything of note actually gets started though,just because we are now sleeping and waking at roughly the right time doesnt mean it feels any less fuzzy round the edges in my brain.I dont remember it taking so long to clear jetlag before,must be a side effect of age.Ah well. On a different note,I am embarking on a move to change careers,which will see me home schooling myself in the near future,or at least embarking on a few evening classes. Hey,why should the Peanut be the only one learning stuff? My brain is a little crusty,but Im sure theres room in there for something besides cobwebs and KS3??

travel sick but not home sick...

Well,our trip to Vancouver is over. All agree that it is amazing,beautiful and we are definately returning,as soon as possible, please! I have never felt so at home in a place I had never been to before.Vancouver-ites (?) are friendly and welcoming,and in one day you can do beach and mountains as well as city.It is the greenest country too,both in terms of environmental friendliness and literally-I have never seen so many well cared for trees...much to the approval of the Peanut.Overall,no complaints except 'But WHY cant we live here?!' Ah,if only it was that simple...Have a suspicion they are not crying out for over the hill retail slaves.
Of course,there was one small fly in the ointment-long haul flights.As most people will know,these are best survived either:
A.) Drugged to the eyeballs or
B.)first class.
Given that neither of these options are available,we just had to grin and bear it. Ginger,peppermint,travel bands,headphones,earplugs-we had the lot! Given that the Peanut can get travel sick just looking at a car,and has a fear of flying bought on by a flight back from Italy with an ear infection,this was always going to be one of the hardest trips we have made.Not just the flight-straight through on the way,but changing in Toronto on return-there is the coach to the plane,then the taxi at the other end. Picture that scene in the exorcist,you know,the one where shes on the ceiling,projectile vomiting? Thats the Peanut. Throw in an attitude that makes Godzilla look shy and retiring,and a hair trigger oversensitivity to just about any comment or even look from anyone,and we are in hell. NOW add a 32 year old man-aka kid number 2-who has never been travel sick in his life and has a low boredom threshold and a 32 year old woman who has been known to get travel sick herself,and has also been known to get..um..overemotional...when tired,and we are ready to go. Gods help the rest of the plane...
In the end,the travel bands,headphones,earplugs (former over ear,latter in ear in case you were wondering)and fervent prayers to any and all deities who were listening kept the sickness to a minimum,and we crossed the Atlantic without vomit or bloodshed.Both ways. I am still unclear how,but I dont care.
Anyway,seeing as it was technically schooltime,we went out a LOT. Grouse mountain-orphan bears,amazing ski lift rides to the summit and birds of prey exibitions,plus amazing panorama and cool native craft exibits. Capilano suspension bridge-again,beautiful views,incredible bridge-like the wobbly bridge in the park x1000! and a wonderful treetop walk,where we learnt,among other things that Banana slugs are A.)exactly like squished banana skins and
B.)Supposedly toxic-although the raccoon population has figured out that the toxin only gives them numb mouths,which can be avoided by simply rolling the unfortunate slug in dirt,then swallowing it. Darn clever animals.
Speaking of raccoons,we saw one. At the Aquarium. No,not scube diving. We were sat in Stanley park,eating lunch and waiting in line for the aquarium when I saw what I thought was a cat run over to the bin. I nudge Peanut,and as I do realise it is not a cat,but a gorgeous little bandit.For a moment,we watch him in silence.This is shattered when an excitable kid runs over and screams 'RACCOON!OMIGOD!!!ITS ARACCOON!!' The poor creature,all hopes of dinner foiled,scarpers for the bush while I restrain Peanut before she gives the kid something else to scream about. Aquarium was awesome-Peanut falls for the beluga whales,kid 2 for the cute sea otters and me for the jellyfish. We left behind a cute pink fluffy octopus hat,but we shall return triumphant with our raccoon sighting...
Friday was Canada day,and that means a parade,right? Right...unless you misread the press and turn up an hour late...ooops. However,we got to join the crowds at Canada place,wave flags,wear temporary maple leaf tattoos and feel part of the whole celebration.
The rest of the time was spent either at the beach-2 blocks away,or at the port park-2 blocks and a hop. We walked on average 6 miles a day,and over the course of the trip have covered maths-currency conversion,HST conversion-man thats a pain-and pocket money to awesome stuff conversion...thats got to be maths,right?! Ecology,biology,sociology,and a healthy smattering of anthropology ties up science.The obligatory journal of the trip counts for english,and social skills counts as not asking 'Do planes crash often?' when one is embarking on a journey in one.We ate in italian,thai,indian and japanese restaurants and stayed on Davie in the heart of the 'gay district'.This lead to a discussion on human rights,what the rainbows symbolise,and why gay men can be so much easier to shop with than straight ones.Life skills,right there. So,if anyone from the education authority is sniffing round,we merely 'undertook a series of extended field trips which cover history,geography,biology,sociology,maths,science and english with a healthy dose of P.E and life skills.' If any normal person asks,we had an amazing trip,and are plotting our return...as soon as I can find a travel sickness pill Peanuts can swallow without retching...

geometric horror and the birth of a science nerd

Where the hell did this week go? Or the end of last week for that matter? Or this morning,if Im brutally honest? Time is definately not on my side at the moment,and this accounts for my lack of regular posting. This week has been all about angles once again,seems geometry has grabbed us and will not let go. There was a trip to the science AND natural history museums tuesday-proving that while time may not be on my side,it will occasionally turn a blind eye to some of my crazier schemes to pack more into a day. Peanut had an epiphany while there,and decided she loved science and it was cool to be a science nerd like her mother. There you go,all those guilt ridden donations to the museum coffers have finally paid off...Today we are attempting to understand interior and exterior angles,and also atoms and particles.That is,if I can drag Peanut away from the spider in our living room who has just hatched a whole brood of baby spiders,who will no doubt grow up to confound my attempts at housework. Speaking of which,for anyone who wondered,the house gets a thorough scrub down every monday,the washing gets done daily,and the washing up 3x daily. This,in spite of living with 1 small child and 2 large ones,none of whom are particularly tidy. Oh,and also in terms of field trips,a trip to Tesco yesterday,with 1 small and one large child. Anyone who has the time to shop alone,I truly,truly envy you...I spend most of the time hurtling round at breakneck pace,missing half of what I wanted to buy,and grabbing randomly at stuff I didnt,just trying to keep up with the larger of the two-hes driving,and doesnt want to get caught in traffic-whilst refereeing the usual state of friendly warfare between him and the smaller one,who is hyped up on the sheer joy of having 2 people to harrass round tesco instead of one,and actually getting driven there and back instead of being forced to walk,pack mule style, home with the shopping as is usual. Compared to this little outing,geometry should definately be the lesser of two evils...
Updated to add,in true friday fashion,we spent 30 minutes grappling with internal and external angles,then called time on it when it became painfully obvious that this was not going to happen and all that was happening was imminent meltdown.Peanut is now happily reading a nature textbook,trying to figure out the mating habits of fish. (If I knew,believe me I would tell you,but the recesses of the Peanuts brain are a mystery to me and some days Im very grateful for that...)The house is now calm,maths forgotten,and now the only battle on the horizon is working out what the Peanut wants to eat BEFORE her grandma comes to pick her up and I escape to the relative sanctuary of work,with its incessant demands of 'sell more loyalty cards'...actually,fish mating does sound more fun.
The above,incidentally, is an example of Friday syndrome,something which strikes every week in our house.My only day to day rule is that there must be an hour of maths per day,this down to both my own hatred of maths and the problems it causes me in day to day life,and my determination that Peanut shall not suffer the same fate.It has done wonders for her maths confidence and ability,but even this iron clad rule must bow to the fact that,by friday,the Peanut has the concentration span of a gnat and the temperament of an angry hornet. Education therefore must consist of something she can easily digest and something which does not have to be recalled for the lesson the following monday.We do a lot of origami,spirograph and other such vaguely mathematical stuff on fridays...The rest of the week,she is quite happy to humour her poor deluded old mother and do the maths first,then she is free to study what and when she pleases.It seems like a small price to pay.Friday? No,we do not want to humour the senile old fool,we want to do something more interesting. Fair enough.Im going to read a Jim Butcher book while I make lunch.

week off and whiny submission

Well,half term has come and gone,encompassing Peanut's bridesmaiding-and yes,she looked lovely-and general STUFF,and now its back to school... Tuesday consisted of Angles and geometry,followed by macrophages and microbes. The latter was a written blow by blow account of bodily microbe warfare,and the former was Q&A on paper and online.
Wednesday was further angles- transverse and congruent,and a NEW Erin Hunter seekers book,which was dragged straight up to Peanuts lair and devoured whole in a single sitting.
Today was supposed to be a trip to the science museum,but a cold put paid to that,so we settled for another online angles quiz and a little science.Better now than in 2 weeks,when we set off for Vancouver.Yes,we are long hauling it with a 12 year old. Really not sure how this ones going to go,but for a week it will be an adventure...

more maths and microbial mayhem

Well...maybe not mayhem,but it is a nifty bit of alliteration :) We are finishing up geometry,having covered area,perimeter,shape and space and now all we have left are angles.This probably wont get completed until after half term,which is rapidly approaching.In science,we are finishing off microbes and disease,and Peanut is reading a new biology textbook for fun.She also read 'Out of the Ashes' and rated it very good,if depressing :)We've been a bit quiet on the crafty front of late,hopefully we can get creative in the holidays!

dodgy connections and the joys of geometry

Well,just as I was starting to congratulate myself on actually keeping regular updates,the bloody power dies for 5 hours and throws my computer into a state of confusion! Of course,said power cut had to occur the only time I had plugged the darn thing in all day,and had only just turned it on in the furtive hope of watching Leon while Peanut romped through another Scrubs box set.Cue sudden darkness and shouts of "My xbox has died! Ring of death...nooo!" For anyone out there who does not own an xbox,and is currently thinking I have let Peanut watch highly unsuitable japanese horror movies or dodgy remakes,rest assured. The Ring and Ring of death are two entirely different things! It means that the dreaded red circle flashed up before the console turned itself off. As the rest of the house,and indeed the rest of the street was without power,Peanut was quickly reassured,and picked up a book instead. I,foiled again,settled down to watch Bones on my iPod instead,cursing the fact that if Id only splashed out that extra 50 quid then I could have been watching Leon on my iPod,but no,alas,I was cheap and went for the 8gb instead of the 16gb. *curses own false economy*. Anyhow,on the subject of education,finished last week with tangrams,microbes and bunnies, and started this week with further geometry,spread of disease and more bunnies! Thats planes and cubes,transmission of disease and watership down to you! I actually tried a new technique yesterday. Peanut,fairly confident now in geometry,was given her textbooks,maths is fun website pages and a selection of plastic cubes and told she was entirely free to make up her own lesson for the session,providing she could teach it to me afterwards. She jumped at the chance,and I learnt some very interesting things about the composition of prisms and cubes and numerous other things,thank you very much. I wasnt sure how well it would work. They say on most of the homeschooling websites that you start out all textbooks and teaching,and gradually relax into 'here are the resources,knock yourself out,but Id like to see some sign of progress by lessons end'.We are obviously entering that stage now,and you know what,I like it! It sets Peanut up nicely for any future college endevours,and gets her used to the idea of managing her own study time. She still has parameters within which to work,but she can learn how she chooses.I still see results,and Im in the background supervising in case she needs anything-although she demonstrated yesterday that my presence is really not required beyond preparing lunch and the occasional technical fix.This is great for me-no more lesson planning beyond the wallchart that shows what we still need to cover and when,but the minutae of individual lesson planning may now be reduced...I like. She actually planned herself a darn good lesson to,and I have to admit,it was probably better than the one I had...outclassed by a 12 year old again-and Im so proud. Dont get me wrong,I am under no illusions.Im sure there are other subjects and topics when I will be sitting teaching when she is not so confident.Right now though? Im all for self teaching,cos at the end of the day,you cant spoonfeed kids forever,and to think you can is kind of an insult to their intelligence. I guess thats why so many of us feel lost when we leave school,we are so used to someone teaching us how to do every last thing,that we forget how to do things ourselves.Eh,what do I know? Its a thought...

bugs and bunnies

The last two days have been filled with geometry,and fiendishly addictive geometric puzzles from National Geographic magazine.I can now rotate a shape 360 degrees,flip it and fit it into a space you would swear it didnt fit into in my head and before breakfast...Peanut,unsurprisingly,is totally putting me to shame,and is completing the hardest ones while Im still on intermediate,but there you go. We have also started reading Watership Down and have moved on is science to Health and Disease. The latter involved making foam diagrams of fungi,viruses and the like.The former involves Peanut dissappearing with said book for hours on end. Today will involve more geometry,a further look at bacteria and the like,and probably some Fimo of some sort.

?? missing days and friday fun

Well,yesterdays post seems to have vanished into the ether...which is annoying,as Id actually got a picture to display-albeit hopelessly huge,but still.Anyway,since I do not want to type the whole thing again the edited version is-Area and Volume and several other things...including sitting in a courtroom waiting to swear that I recognise my husbands signature and after all the time and paperwork...dear gods,the paperwork...I do in fact want to get divorced and am not just looking for a fun day out wasting the courts time.Yeah.
Today I made the exciting/disturbing discovery that we are nearly all the way through the ks3 maths syllabus...I am not kidding.We have one more module to do and we are done! Not to mention,we are 3/4 of the way through the english curriculum already,and over half way through the science!! (we would be further on in science,but we are currently looking at the plant module in much more detail) Even if we slow right down and only cover half the material we are currently covering per lesson,we will still be finished by midway through year 8! Now I understand why so many home ed kids take GCSEs early..theres not much else to do! It makes me wonder exactly what they do in schools if it takes them until the end of year 8 to get through this lot...either way,Im just glad we have time to explore things in more depth,continue to pursue side projects and prep for the GCSE years a little early. It means Peanut will have less pressure going into GCSES,if we start early we can spread them out rather than trying to cram too many subjects in to a very short space of time!
Anyhow,today was spent (as is normal Friday practice) on Manga high,mainly because I never like to start a new topic on a friday when it is no doubt going to be forgotten over the weekend,and also by Friday the Peanut brain is very easily distracted.We finished up pH as well today,and had a fairly chilled afternoon reading. Peanut has now fallen in love with Terry Pratchett *(bwahhaha,knew Id get her eventually!) and we are reading Wee Free Men and Witches Abroad aloud to each other. A good end to the week.

court and counting

Something of a short day yesterday,as I had to go and sit in a courtroom and swear that yes,I recognised my husbands signature and yes, I did want a divorce-just in case I had made a mistake somehow when I filled in 20 sheets of paper all declaring I wanted to divorce the man! Anyhoo,I digress. Maths was Volume...thank you jediteacher2007 once again-I really should send that guy a fruit basket or something...and then Cai read the rest of horrible history's Measly Middle Ages before going to her Dads house. Not a scholastic high point yesterday,but still got a few hours of the official stuff in.Also,in further education related news,we finally got our reply from the LEA saying we are all good to go for the next six months before we have to check in again. It would be a year,but because the peanut has health problems with her guts,they need to check up on us every six months ?! Not entirely sure how that works,but fair enough...anyway...more from Peanut,Bean and Bandit later,when I shall attempt to get the hang of photobucket...(again)

ookay...testing...and tinctures

Well,Im trying photobucket...could be interesting... Todays schooling went roughly as follows:
Firstly,the dreaded maths...today: area and perimeter. Thanks are due once again to the incredible jediteacher,without whom I would have considerably more grey hair,and peanut would have a lot harder time wrapping her brain around these things. Sir,we salute you!
Having survived this form of torture (her words not mine) we detoured into town for bugsys and bath bombs from boots and lush respectively. For those of you who have not encountered a 'bugsy' and are thinking of bunny,allow me to enlighten you. The bugsy is the greatest sandwich in the world ever. (once again,not my words...I dont make the news,just report it!) It consists of grated carrot,hummous,rocket and alfalfa sprouts on wholemeal bread. It it served at its best with a chocolate brownie for desert,washed down with coppella apple juice. I would reccommend trying one,but not anywhere you will be spotted dropping half a bunny hutch of carrots down your front and into your lap. This is not food to be eaten in front of anyone you may be trying to impress!
Anyhooo,that enjoyable little detour aside,and the purchase of 3 lush robot bath bombs, (please,dont ask...just let me assure you that our forray into home chemistry does NOT involve explosives or any kind of illegal device) we headed home via the oxfam bookshop,where we pick up an interesting textbook on herbalism which Peanut pounced on and dragged upstairs to her lair the second we got in the door. After failure to remove her from said new book,I decide to play sneaky,and tell her to use it to find a tincture recipe. She does. Its in cups. Suddenly,its pencils and paper at the ready as we try to A) work out the conversion and B) scale down the recipe to more manageable quantities. All this,she manages. In the space of half an hour,we have both remembered and applied our conversion formulae,and dusted off the ratio we did last term. Im flabbergasted and happy that here,if nowhere else,is tangible proof that its actually going in...the stuff we study is being absorbed...and remembered!!! I need a moment here to collect my brain before we set out to make the tincture itself. Its fun,despite the fact that the brown bottles I carefully saved are not quite big enough,and the only substitute is a hastily sterilised Tiger beer bottle-dont tell the Boys,they dont need an excuse not to visit the bottle bank! Tincture making takes about an hour and a half. After that,we make several new entries in what we have begun calling Peanuts herbal volume. This afternoon was rounded off making flapjacks,and reading Terry Pratchett. An enjoyable,and productive day.Now,photographic evidence ( I hope!)

arty crafty kinda day

Well,yesterday consisted of an hour on manga high maths, an hour of learning how to make tinctures,and 4 hours designing and sewing adorable little stuffed cats and raccoons. Not exactly standard curriculum,but fun nonetheless. Peanuts sewing has improved so much,and she was confident enough this time to both draw and cut the pattern herself,chalk it on to fabric,and pin and sew with no help except for the sewing of the eyes-buttons are tricky and theres only so many times you can drop it and /or stab yourself before it starts to become annoying...she stuffed her toy,sewed him up,and voila! A small,mostly grey ,slightly lopsided (in an endearing way) little cat called Bean. Not to be left out,I made a raccoon,unoriginally named it Bandit,and decided he was Beans friend. Pictures will follow as soon as I can work out how to get the bloody things on here! The day concluded with homemade soup and an hour reading Terry Pratchett to each other. Reading aloud may seem a little babyish,but Peanut enjoys it,and I think it is useful as it gets her used to reading to an audience,and the fact its about giving each character a voice and giving the book life out loud not just in your head. Now,off to prepare today...

In the interests of education and sanity

...I will now be trying to update this blog on a more regular basis,with updates on exactly what we are studying and how.This will,I hope, have two benefits. Firstly,it will give anyone who may be interested in what the peanut is studying a fairly comprehensive overview.Secondly,it will provide me with a handy reference point for the dreaded review reports,because although I have been keeping notes,anyone who has read my handwriting will tell you that after 24 hours something magical happens to my handwriting and makes it completely illegible.This is a feat normally only found among doctors and other purveyors of prescriptions,or anyone in my family who attempts to write out a recipe. So,on with the update...
This week has seen the peanut announce that she would like to become a herbalist. I blame this on warrior cats (thank you Erin Hunter-like you dont already take the blame for her obsession with cats...)and possibly on a dog eared copy of Neals yard remedies I consult fairly regularly-hey,Im an old hippy,so sue me! Now,while my initial response was surprise,after thinking it through I believe we can actually work this to my advantage...the next segment of biology is fairly plant heavy,while the next segment of chemistry is concerned with melting and boiling points,and how a substances composition affects how it will react to such.
It is with this in mind that we have created the peanut handbook of plants.This is a thickly bound notebook which is divided into five sections. The first section is now full of basic plant biology; germination,fertilisation,photosynthesis,soil acidity and alkalinity and the basic composition of soil types.To be added is a section we are due to start in the coming weeks on genes and heredity involving the infamous pea plant experiment.
Section two is comprised of individual plant information.For example,where it grows,when it grows,what type of soil it prefers,when is a good time to harvest,which bits are useful,which active chemicals the plant contains and what their function is.The latter includes which parts of the body they work on,and how they work. There is also a line on contraindications, and a list of things it is possible to make with each,for example tincture,infusion etc. We have completed pages on nettles and dandelions so far,and harvested and experimented and tasted each.We are currently growing several others peanut is keen to test,and are scouting for many more while out walking. The kitchen is beginning to resemble a horticulturists nightmare,and its best not to drink ANYTHING which may be laying around in various test tubes etc.
Section three is something of a recipe book.How to make tinctures,infusions,balms,bath muslins etc as well as more traditional recipes such as nettle soup and the like.
Section four comprises diagrams of certain plants as well as anything interesting which peanut feels warrents a diagram of its own,and also experiment write ups.
Section five is a glossary of terms such as anti emetic,antitussive etc.
This is very much a work in progress,and will be added to over the course of this term.
In maths,we say goodbye to algebra,and are now looking at conversion and units. This,for the peanut has involved converting from imperial to metric,largely using old recipes and herbals. (see the tie in there?!)Next week we go to area and perimeter,and the units used. We are still very much following curriculum here,with bbc bitesize and cgp revision and a little help from maths is fun.There is also the genius that is jedi teacher on youtube,without whom algebra would have been far worse...whoever he is,I salute him,its a rare thing to find someone that talented at teaching a subject like maths,and I only wish he'd been my maths teacher...
As far as english goes,peanut is still relentlessly ploughing her way through every book in sight,often before it even gets home from the bookstore. Thank gods I get waterstones discount-although for how much longer I dont know...She is also reading several herbalism texts of varying age and getting a pretty good grounding in terms specific to medicine at the mo! She is currently reading vast chunks of world history,and the measly middle ages,which brings me on to...
History! We are currently on the middle ages.Peanut is particularly fascinated with plague and medieval medicine...charming Im sure,take two leeches and call me in the morning please kinda thing...We are hoping to try a genuine middle ages recipe for rose pudding next week...hey,the kitchen cant get any worse...
Odds and sods,otherwise strictly known as art,p.e. and design tech...there has been an invasion of Fimo. If you can think of it,it can be constructed out of the stuff,and if you hold still long enough,you can be covered in it too. There are a few sewing projects in the offing,and we are getting plenty of exercise walking down by the river searching for various herbs etc. Still no foreign language as such,but we are picking up a fair bit of latin one way and another...
Well,that was this week. Its been fairly green in many senses,and I can see this enthusiasm lasting until the end of this term. I am trying to sneak in as many different subjects as possible under the banner or herbalism,and its proving surprisingly easy to do so. I am also surprisingly enjoying myself,so we are two happy hippy herbalist homeschoolers signing off for the week!
(incidentally,this counts as alliteration. Please,do not ask peanut about alliteration,onomatopea,assonance etc. It is a current obsession,and you would not believe how many innocuous sentences contain examples of such...its driving me crazy,but hey,at least its education...)

divorce and drinking

Well,its taken its sweet time,but I can finally pay the court fees and get things moving,courtesy of a timely inheritance.I have never been so happy to post a letter or part with 3 hundred quid :) I feel like Ive been stuck in limbo so long,not really married but not really free either.Its time to move on in so many ways.Spring is pretty much here,its back to getting up before 7.30,cleaning everything within an inch of its life,pulling out the old art supplies and starting to look over the horizon and make travel plans. Of course,before any of those things,its time to go teach algebraic formula triangles and shakespeare,followed by a quick tour of the human digestive system-ah the joys of homeschooling,gotta love it. I still feel like it was the best decision I have made for a long while though,we are achieving so much and learning a mixture of academic and life skills.I dont want her to be one of those kids who can answer any test paper with carefully memorised answers,but cant even turn on an oven or fix a tear in a shirt seam.And of course,P.E in the park is all about the hula hoops not about running around a field until you fall over. Oh,and in another newsflash,the new washing machine is up and running,and I have never been so glad to see a kitchen appliance after weeks of washing everything in the tub :)

peace and understanding

...are two things I am not often found in the company of at the best of times...Strangely,the past few days have been something of an epiphany,triggered by,of all things,Buffy reruns. Now,I watched the series when it first came out,up until about series 5 I think,then lost track of it completely. About 2 weeks ago,fx decided to re-broadcast the final season,7,at 9 am every morning. This is,coincidentally, the time I am normally to be found sitting downstairs,eating brekkie and waiting for my brain to kick start.So I watched. I realised after the third episode that there were a few things I appear to have missed,such as why Buffy was now kissing Spike rather than Angel (improvement,I have to say,never been one for tall dark and brooding myself,and at least Spike got some of the best lines.) why one member of the nerd trio was now 'good' and why xander and anya still werent married,but were going at it like the dreaded bunnies...So,I bought the series on dvd-thank you staff discount and sale markdowns...- and watched it all. Then I bought season 6,and finally season 5. Really did like the Buffy/Spike thing. Where the whole Angel relationship was very much first love,Spike and Buffy fought,hated,loved,betrayed and redeemed each other,and at the end they gave each other strength and support in the kind of partnership that only comes with real knowledge and intimacy with the other person. At first,the way it ended had me kind of gutted.There are so many other tv couples who never quite make it and its so frustrating,I mean,Ive been trying NOT to watch this season of Bones,as much as I love the show,because the characters are just in too painful a place.Even the Bill drove me nuts-hey,it used to be on at the same time as Buffy is now-Ill watch anything when Im still half asleep-Stevie and Smithy?! So obviously meant to happen,but never got there. Booth and Bones,so obviously right for each other,and yet he goes all mid life crisis and shags some blonde journo..and now,Buffy and Spike,who is reduced to a pile of dust,but not before turning away Buffys profession of love with a 'thanks,but I know you dont'. So frustrating...and yet today,I realised that,you know what,she didnt love him as much as he loved her,but he meant a lot to her,and she did mean it when she said she loved him,and his response was down to the persistant way she had turned him down every time he had said he loved her. But at the end,she loved him,he loved her as he always had,and even if they werent destined to be together,thats still an unbreakable connection. Ive been toying with finding out what happens in the season 8 comics,but now I dont care if I read them or not,I know the outline of what happens,but its not important. She may not end up with Spike,but they will always have something between them that cannot be taken away. Ditto Booth and Bones,they may or may not get past the whole Hannah thing,but there are parts of him that only Bones will understand,and his cutting her off to make it less painful for himself isnt going to alter the fact she is the one woman who knows him best,and he loves her still. End of.There is a kind of peace in knowing that,even if these characters never get their happy endings,the relationships they have mean they are always connected anyway. The same is true of so many people in reality. How things turn out in the end does not necessarily alter what has happened on the way there. If things did not happen,things werent said or you did not achieve something you wanted so badly to,it does not mean that those things cease to be important,but that you can make your peace with the fact those things entered and left your life for a reason,and the impact or impression they made on you may have caused a change in you which was necessary,a kind of catalyst if you will for yourself to change. If we stop obsessing over how things should go,and accept that things are there and are real and are not going to disappear entirely if they dont end the way you planned,its ok.Pretending those things dont exist isnt the way to get over them not happening,its ok to acknowledge that they are real,and they mean a lot to you,but they may not be the ending you once thought. For example,I would love another child. For so long I have been angry and resentful because that chance has been taken from me as my boyfriend has made it clear he doesnt want children with me. Rather than let that eat at me,or try and convince myself that I dont want another child,its ok to acknowledge the fact that it is real,I do want another child,and that love and experience I could offer another child is real,but rather than the happy ending where I get my own child,the ending is that I use those feelings,the love and experience and desire to care for a child,to help my friends with their children. I have already had the experience once,and although I cant change it and make it as perfect as I would want,I can move on from here knowing that all the knowledge and experience I have now will not be wasted.I appreciate this is long,complicated,and is a stretch from the original analogy,even for a show as over-analysed as Buffy,this is an interesting twist,but its made me feel better. And after the last post,I needed it.

breakdown and breakout.

Well,for the last 48 hours I have been on the memory lane express.Believe me,if I knew how to derail that bitch I would! I feel like Im drowning in everything that happened,and Im finding it hard to stay afloat. Had an urgent begging email from my uncle and auntie trying to get me to write to the solicitor so she can release some of Grandmas money early cos my cousin got himself into stupid debt. I did. I also sent them a general chatty email,hoping that I may get a response. Big fat zip. Guess I know where my uses are...Grandmas money is being released, 20% of my share is going to my mother,whether she argues or not as a wedding gift from the Thomsons. I have never wanted my name back so badly. My last link to Grandma,Grandpa and Alan,and Im still stuck as Mann after 2 years.Guess the money will pay for the divorce.I just want to be free awhile. Of course,the problem with freedom is you have to know what to do with it...
Everyone I know seems to be either pregnant or riding the new baby train right now. I am so happy for them,and Im going to try to be a great Auntie to any of them that want,but it drags up things in my past I wish I could leave there. Of course,one of them happened to walk into where I work,recognise me,try and pretend he didnt,and then act like nothing happened. I smiled,said hello,treated him like a normal customer,and hoped he would get the fuck outta my life again asap. That he doesnt acknowledge his daughter is a blessing-I have always provided for her,and never taken anything from him,and damned if Im going to start now.He could at least have had the balls to say hello normally tho.Im not going to bite,if I was I would have done it long ago. I thought I had made my peace with everything,but hearing my friends and how excited they are,and how their partners are doing all these things to help them,and getting excited about the baby scans and stuff and it just hurts. I had one chance at being a mother,I took it,and I love her more than anything,but I have done her no favours. There was no one to get excited about my scan,noone to feel the baby move and know it was theirs. There was my mother in the delivery room,and Cai arrived so perfect,but with only me to see her. I dont know how it feels to be pregnant and excited about it,to look at all the changes and be happy,to have someone to share it all with. I was so lonely when I was pregnant,my friends were so good,but they can only be there for a little while,they have their own lives to lead. I have always provided for her,but its not enough. She should have had everything my friends babys will have. She should have security and had a mother who knew what they were doing,who knew that cloth diapers would get rid of her painful rash,that organic cream would have soothed her excema,and that something was wrong with her stomach at birth,and it should have been dealt with. I know so much now,there is so much I could do right,but I will never have the chance again do bring back Cais childhood and make it better. I did what I could at the time,trusted doctors,applied my knowledge as best I could,but I could have done so much better. I will never be able to fix that,but at least I am smart enough to realise that having another child will not give my first child the perfect babyhood she should have had. I just have to carry on doing my best,because that is all I can do. If I had known,so much would have been different.As it was,she was fed,clothed,rocked to sleep,fed and loved with everything I had. She was breastfed,she was in a sling or a back carrier and close to me a lot,and she went where I went,listened to happy music on the radio,and given everything I could. I am proud that the money that paid for all her new baby things was mine,I am proud that I worked to support us both,and I am proud not to take state handouts or anything from her father.I guess every mother feels like they could have done more. I know I could,and if she was born now,I have learnt so much more,there is so much more out there now that I could do for her. I will never get that chance again,not so long ago I almost did,only for a few weeks,but I think if you mess up something once,you dont always get another go around,and I only hope she will be a strong enough person to get over all the many mistakes Ive made and if she ever has children,to do it when she can enjoy them. Babies and children are supposed to be enjoyed,not survived! They are meant to be a source of joy,not anxiety and they are meant to have the best,not just the best you can do because you are too young and stupid to know enough about raising them. I know I cant have any more children.It hurt so much at first,but I can accept it now. I know crying over the past doesnt fix it,but sometimes its the only way to get it out of your head and move on. I hope she will realise one day that I tried as hard as I could,and that she forgives me for not giving her up to someone who could have done a better job.
I look at my family now,and I can see why my mother has finally found happiness again. He is a good man,with a good family. They are bright,well educated,attractive,churchgoing and they have good jobs. The children are outgoing,confident and beautiful. Talk about trading up,hey? I can see how I must be an embarrassment,pregnant at 19,mum at 20,no education beyond A levels and too stupid to get any,works in retail at 32,and currently still to broke to get out of a divorce,and home educating my daughter,who should never have been subjected to such a life when she could have been adopted into a family like the one my mother is soon to be a part of. Well,Im proud to be a Thomson,someone has to do more for Grandma and Grandpas memory than just fight over their money,and someone has to keep Alans name because its not like hes here to defend it. Whether or not he is proud of his legacy I dont know,I suspect hes highly embarrassed like my mother by the way I turned out,but Im not in stupid debt,Ive always paid my way,and Ive always tried to do what I think is the right thing regardless of public opinion. I dont know its a legacy to be proud of,but its a legacy nonetheless,blood or not.I wish Id known him.Hell,if wishes were pigs,Id be up to my eyes in pork today,huh? Guess its just one of those days,and Im sure tomorrow it will all be fine,and Ill go buy presents for the new babies,and everything will move on. I can at least be a good auntie,even if I cant quite crack being anything else. I just wish I had some direction,right now Im lost and dont know which way to go.

resolutions and revolutions

Well,happy new year again...its been a full year since I started this blog...its strangely cathartic...
Anyhow,went back and looked at last years revolutions.Ouch. Didnt quite get all of them done;still havent gone back to school,
STILL havent got divorced, (I know,I know)
and yes,still working in retail.sigh.
Wasnt a total waste...did manage to get Peanuts guts sorted out-no mean feat...and my gods that has made SUCH a difference to our lives.Also learned to let go a little and relax more.Also no mean feat.So,2 out of about 6 isnt so bad I guess...
Anyhow,on with the new year optimism before the hangover bites-9 shots of JD and something that tasted of blackcurrant and not getting to bed until 2am is not really so good at my advanced age ;) This year,Im not so much aiming to improve myself as have a little more fun...
This year I will:
1. Get another tattoo. A big one. On my arm,you know,the one that ISNT already covered...
2.Hoop every day. I do this anyway,but I want to spend MORE time doing it because it makes me happy :)
3. Travel to America again.
4.Grow my hair.Its getting there,Im trying to oil it 3x a week and trim only once every 4 months.
5.Take Peanut to more museums,galleries,fieldtrips etc.
6.Stick with the healthy diet Ive managed this year.
7.Spend more time with my friends...I miss you guys...
8.Keep looking regularly at the job pages-just in case.
9.Pay off my overdraft,credit card and divorce.
10.Draw more
11.Sort out my stuff to a managable level of crap.
I think thats about it...better at least TRY and keep it realistic hehe :)
Oh,and the 'revolutions' refers to the hooping-managed to get a new trick on today,got my hoop from waist to chest with both arms in and then out again and back down...Fun :)
Have fun you guys,a new year awaits...