resolutions and revelations

Well,guess its that time of year again-emerge blinking and hungover into the light of another new year and decide this is the year it will all be different...just as soon as the pepto bismol starts to work and the light stops hurting your eyes... This year Ive decided on preemptive action,and am posting my resolutions both early and sober. This may help,as last years resolution consisted of 'I will never get flu on new years eve again and spend the night throwing up alone on the couch at home'. The year before,resolutions were hastily scrawled on the back of a bar napkin,and took me the entire year to decipher,and so on. At least this year,I will be able to look back on a clear concise list,and go 'bit bloody hopeful werent ya,love?!' So here goes...

1.) I will absolutely,catagorically NOT be working in retail next christmas.Seriously,Im 30 years old,and I just dont have the stamina or the patience,nor the ability to take abuse from customers simply because they forgot to shop earlier.

2.)Apply to go back to school. Theres a part time degree in biological anthropology at Roehampton,and come hell or high water,my application is going in. No harm in trying.

3.)Ties in with number 1 somewhat: Apply for as many trainee pathology technician jobs as possible. Its taken 12 years+ ta get to this,no more excuses!

4.) To refuse to leave the doctors surgery until I finally get some answers on how to treat my daughters STC. It has been 10 YEARS people,Im pretty sure science and medicine have advanced a little,hmmm?!

5.)More ink! Some butterflies and a 'family' please!

6.)GET A DIVORCE!!!

7.)Learn to relax a little,seriously,the world is NOT gonna stop turning if you forget to empty a bin once in a while.

I hope at least ONE of these makes it (wont tell you which is highest on the list-guess a little!)
Hope wherever and whoever you celebrate with,you bring in the new year with someone you love.X

presents,company and absent friends

Happy Christmas and belated Yule! The boys made a perfect dinner-planned with military precision and carried out with the concentration normally reserved for sale scale out or end of year finance reports.Cai is currently riding the sugar express to Rabbid-ville on the wii,having exhausted herself yesterday by coming in to work for the final hour(otherwise known as the big push) donning a t shirt and,with lanyard round neck and power from flatmate proceeded to take me to task on the state of my section! Hope evryone had a good one,wherever they are.Lastly,to Kevin Markham,No,I didnt open it,cos season of goodwill or not Im not getting fooled again.Merry xmas everyone!xxx

aliens and dyno-rod

Well,since the last installment Ive been told at 10 to 9 on a school night that the kiddo requires a full alien costume by 9am the following day (said kiddo having forgotten to tell me this a week ago...)and then told 2 days ago that she hadnt been to the loo for 4 days and now her stomach hurt...ever get the feeling that communication is not her strong point?! Sure,she can tell me a billion terrible jokes or the latest moshi monster news in mind numbing detail,but when it comes to relating important stuff,like costumes or toileting,well...maybe not.Firstly,the alien suit...fortunately,mama was a raver in years gone by,or a cyber goth kinda thing,and so a fluorescent neon pink fluffy jacket and a very short belly top in purple with batik tribal sleeves were quickly conjured up (hey,I never said I was a raver with taste okay,and pre kid the belly was something to be flashed not hidden...) and with some alterations and cursing,tada!The purple top is teamed with purple trousers,the pink jacket is sewn round the trousers like a skirt,and the arms of the pink top are attatched with string and hair ties to the arms of the purple top so they are suspended just below her own arms,and move when she does...following? So basically,out of nothing more than two fashion disasters and string,in under 2 hours,I have created a 4 armed pink and purple alien.Yay me.
As for the toilet thing,well its like this-Kiddo was diagnosed with encopresis at 2,and then with STC at 9. Long story short,her guts work waaaay slower than most,and its a delicate balancing act keeping her healthy.When she neglects to tell me small details like the fact she hasnt been for 4 days,this means I then have to resort to 7 doses of movicol in a litre of water in the space of 3 hours.Then wait 2 days,2 otherwise healthy days she has to miss school and I have to miss one of the busiest new release days at work (colour me popular) because with all that stuff inside her she is the equivalent of a time bomb,and I cant risk her having a large accident anywhere...you get the picture. My flatmate suggested mentoes and coke...cruel,but she finds it hysterical...anyhow,aliens and crapatoa aside,Bones was awesome. Stephen Fry..."hope and patience",nuf said...

lovesongs and sortouts

Have decided that entire house bears striking resemblance to trash heap/junkyard. Have resolved to fix this,possibly with the aid of a flamethrower and or pyromaniac housemate. In a new newsflah, I got to watch a whole,entire show on tv,mostly uninterrupted. Moms reading this will know how rare this is,especially when there is a 10 year old,a 30 year old and a thirty two year old (latter two have mental age of 10)also in the house who have stuff they want to watch. Well,yesterday was MY turn to triumph,and we watched Bones :) I wanted to be an anthropologist for years,and a biological anthropologist is my idea of a perfect career.Bones is therefore the only show I have watched,from the pilot onwards,religiously.And I have to stop at this point to just say FOR GODS SAKE BOOTH,JUST KISS HER ALREADY!!! I really dont think I can take much more of the sexual tension thats been building over 4 series...Ive only felt that kind of tension once,with my current boyfriend,and we found out afterwards that EVERYONE at work felt the same way as I do watching Booth and Brennan dancing around each other. As such,while I have very little time for love songs in general,anyone in a situation like this could do worse than listen to Lifehouse's 'Hanging by a Moment'. Im not one for hearts swelling,tender whatchamacallits and general mushiness,but who hasnt at some point been standing inches away from someone they are ridiculously attracted to,and,having made a move is just waiting in agony to find out what the outcome will be.Its a case of 'Im either gonna get kissed or laughed at,but I cant back out now...'

past and passing

Knackered! Got ta sleep fiday nite at 3.40 as Cai had cough.Woke up at ten to 7 when Owen had to go to work. Last night the boys came in pissed n happy at 11.45,ordered a huge gross pizza fest,and then went upstairs at one.Prob is,they woke Cai,and by the time I got her sorted,I crawled into the bedroom,expecting to curl up and sleep only to find boyfriend sprawled out like a starfish,fully clothed,on top of the covers and taking up the entire bed.Ever tried to move a 6ft 5 14 stone man from a drunken pass out?! Its not easy. Dont get me wrong,at 5ft 6 and 9 n half stone Im no lightweight,but he just would not bloody move! This posed a problem,as I couldnt actually get into bed,never mind under the covers.I put a big hoody on,wormed my feet under a spare corner,and then tried to get comfortable. Finally got to sleep when he got up to go to the bathroom,and I threw myself under the covers,cocooning myself in warmth and passing out at 3.15.Had to be up at 8.30 to work. Strangely enough,both the boys had day off. Wouldnt mind,but know if they had to be up in the morning,they woulda taken it easier! I miss going out sometimes. A lot of my friends are still single,or dont have kids,and their lives revolve around themselves,not around anyone else.The same is true of the boys I guess,even boyfriend has him first,then his work and our flatmate,then us. I always knew that,so its cool,but sometimes I miss who I was 12 years ago.I was free and pretty wild.Everything about me was what I wanted,long dreads,dancers figure,makeup that took half hour to apply,so colourful.Wore what I liked,spent all night working,all morning sleeping and avo reading,studying,shopping etc. There were possibilities,I met so many wonderful people,a few of whom Im still in contact with,but my lie and theirs are so different. I could just pack a bag,grab a passport and go on a moments notice. I guess everyone is nostalgic once in a while. Im still so much happier now than 5 or even 3 years ago,I am closer to that girl I was 12 years ago now than I was,but I dont think she would recognise me. My day to day life is all about my daughter first,then my boyfriend,then housework and my home,and my job. My time to me is snatches here and there,and when it does come I am too tired to do anything with it. I go out maybe once every 4 months or so,and I dont have time to get myself dressed up like I would before. Im wondering when the hell I got so old and suburban. I love my family,and I wouldnt change them,but I wish I knew how to be a little more 'me'.

Scary and nostalgic

Happy Halloween,or Samhain :) Traditionally,this is about a little more than candy. Its about remembering where you came from,the ancestors that brought you here,and okay,maybe a little sweetening for all the heavy stuff! I use it as a chance to carve pumpkins,make and eat loadsa veggie soups n apple pies n candy,make costumes and blow the dust off some old family photos. Its also a night for faeries,tricksters and the like,but Im not sure any self respecting faerie is gonna want much ta do with someone who habitually looks and dresses like a guy and has fairly little in the way of pixie dust around the house. I prefer to just concentrate on dusting off Dad n Grandpa,Garfield,Cleo and a few others who left along the way and just lighting the odd candle and asking that they please help me not to screw up life any more than necessary. Other than that,they have their gig,and I have mine,and as we're a few realms apart,Im not looking for them to pop up outa nowhere and start changing the world. Just a little hello is fine. As for the scary factor,Im sat typing this with my hair loose and big,and a notable lack of makeup-trust me,the trick or treaters get more scared than me!Have fun everyone.

duvet and love

Today I got up at 9,made cranberry chocolate wholemeal pancakes for breakfast and then went back to bed.My daughter was dressed and happily making crafty bits n bobs,and I got back under the warm covers and warm boyfriend,and stayed there until 12 when I got up to make lunch and get ready to go out.The avo was spent with 10 year old in hobbycraft heaven. Today is the kind of day I will think of when I need to get through another cold wet morning at 6.45...

sickness and candy

Yesterday we were woken at 6 am by the most horrific screaming I have ever heard.It made every hair on the back of my neck stand up and I never want to hear it again. There was so much pain in it I thought someone was dying outside our house.Then the shouting started. 'I am being tested' 'Im not mad' 'keep them away from me'. Turns out our reclusive neighbour (we have lived here a year and a half and Ive only seen him once,at 3am.) is either having a breakdown of some kind,or has maybe forgotten or not taken regular meds.We've always wondered a little about him,there is a horrible smelly gunk leaking from under his fence into our yard,the lights only ever go on at night,the house looks like its about to fall down and when he didnt show up for work without calling one day they sent the police round.We figured he was just eccentric,or maybe worked some random night job or just plain hated people.I never really gave him too much thought.Lets face it,who are you going to give more attention to,someone you never hear,or students who live on the other side and frequently hold 'band practice' at 11.30pm with the volume up so high it makes our wall vibrate?!(I found the best cure for that is to get me up,gimme a broom or something with a long handle and let me go bang on their upstairs window until they see me and get scared into turning it down.Im not unreasonable,but if you wake me when I have to be up at 6.45 or worse wake my 10 yr old then your sorry ass is in trouble.Plus at that time of night Im pretty confident anyone who turfs me outa bed is in for a shock.My hair will be bigger than my head,my eyes will be squinting behind glasses and I will look like Godzillas mom on crack-nice picture huh?!Pity my boyfriend! ) Anyhow,I digress. Our otherwise quiet neighbour was standing in the middle of the street,screaming and howling in between garbled assertions that he was not mad and he was being tested.His neighbours on the other side who know him a little better ran out and tried to calm him and call an ambulance.I think the worst thing was listening to that horrible agonised scream and being totally helpless.Your first instinct is to help,but rationally,there are already 2 people out there,and adding one more,total stranger,is probably not going to help.He will probably start feeling like a sideshow,or worse it will ratchett his paranoia up a notch and he will start thinking we mean to hurt him. Ive never felt so powerless,and it was horrible. Eventually the ambulance turned up and they must have injected him with a sedative because it all went suddenly quiet.His voice must have been gone,throat shredded.The police came back later to try and find any family contact details and any prescription meds.I guess hes in psych lockdown right now.Its probably gonna take about a week or so to stabilise him.I just feel so sorry for the guy,I cant imagine what it must be like to be so terrified in your own head.
Onto the rest of the day,and a trip to Cybercandy was on the cards :) For those who dont know,this is an amazing sweet shop where they stock everything from japanese candy (pocky and hello kitty EVERYTHING) to voodoo rocky roads,cherry bars and...TIM TAMS!!! This will mean very little to anyone with no ausie connections,but to me this is heaven in biscuit form.And NO timtams are NOT just aussie penguin biscuits!!!Thats like saying Bugs is a scratcher,or Da Vinci had the odd good idea!!! Tim Tams are choccy perfection. Needless to say I went nuts and got 2 packs of creme caramel among the stuuuupid amounts of plastic 'hello kitty' crapola I seem to have been railroaded into purchasing (thank you 10 year old on half term,remind me again why I dont normally take you shopping?!) Ah well. The ten minute glory of CyberCandy did come with a heavy price tag however-4 HOURS of travel there and back,including two nightmarish hours getting so stupidly lost I eventually cracked and dragged us to covent garden where I could at least get a bloody map and a clue.That and much dark muttering when we were forced to go home via waterloo and stop at places that I know no soul EVER gets on or off at,and we were pretty worn out by the time we made it in...slept well though :)

well well,Im a blogger

...yes I did say 'blogger' not anything else...Im gonna look around here awhile...bear with me