past and passing

Knackered! Got ta sleep fiday nite at 3.40 as Cai had cough.Woke up at ten to 7 when Owen had to go to work. Last night the boys came in pissed n happy at 11.45,ordered a huge gross pizza fest,and then went upstairs at one.Prob is,they woke Cai,and by the time I got her sorted,I crawled into the bedroom,expecting to curl up and sleep only to find boyfriend sprawled out like a starfish,fully clothed,on top of the covers and taking up the entire bed.Ever tried to move a 6ft 5 14 stone man from a drunken pass out?! Its not easy. Dont get me wrong,at 5ft 6 and 9 n half stone Im no lightweight,but he just would not bloody move! This posed a problem,as I couldnt actually get into bed,never mind under the covers.I put a big hoody on,wormed my feet under a spare corner,and then tried to get comfortable. Finally got to sleep when he got up to go to the bathroom,and I threw myself under the covers,cocooning myself in warmth and passing out at 3.15.Had to be up at 8.30 to work. Strangely enough,both the boys had day off. Wouldnt mind,but know if they had to be up in the morning,they woulda taken it easier! I miss going out sometimes. A lot of my friends are still single,or dont have kids,and their lives revolve around themselves,not around anyone else.The same is true of the boys I guess,even boyfriend has him first,then his work and our flatmate,then us. I always knew that,so its cool,but sometimes I miss who I was 12 years ago.I was free and pretty wild.Everything about me was what I wanted,long dreads,dancers figure,makeup that took half hour to apply,so colourful.Wore what I liked,spent all night working,all morning sleeping and avo reading,studying,shopping etc. There were possibilities,I met so many wonderful people,a few of whom Im still in contact with,but my lie and theirs are so different. I could just pack a bag,grab a passport and go on a moments notice. I guess everyone is nostalgic once in a while. Im still so much happier now than 5 or even 3 years ago,I am closer to that girl I was 12 years ago now than I was,but I dont think she would recognise me. My day to day life is all about my daughter first,then my boyfriend,then housework and my home,and my job. My time to me is snatches here and there,and when it does come I am too tired to do anything with it. I go out maybe once every 4 months or so,and I dont have time to get myself dressed up like I would before. Im wondering when the hell I got so old and suburban. I love my family,and I wouldnt change them,but I wish I knew how to be a little more 'me'.